The struggles of an only child...

Sitting in the ICU with a parent that may not make it...

Everyone is there for you...everyone is praying for you...but no one really understands...even if they've been through similar situations...they still don't understand because this is your parent...only your siblings understand cause it's their parent too...

But when your an only child...you are alone...no matter how many family members and friends are around you...you are alone...they don't understand, it's not their parent...

The life of an only child is a struggle...if you only have one child, give them a sibling...even if there is a big age gap, they need a sibling...because in times like this, that sibling is the only person that can truly be there for them...they are the only ones who understand...because it's their parent...😔😔😔😔😔

Hello Goodbye

Reflecting on another year in the books. I went through many changes in 2011. I realized that no matter what, the only person I need to try to please is myself. I also learned that I do not give myself enough credit for the accomplishments that I have achieved in my life. I have alot to be proud of.

2012 will be my last year in my 20s. There has been so much learning and growth that has happened within this time that I can honestly say that I am ready for a new chapter. I will do alot of things differently this year.

I will....
....no longer deal with b.s. from the opposite sex.
....no longer doubt my worth
....strive for the best in every aspect of life.
....tell my family and friends I love them every chance I get.
....pray through my problems instead of complaining about them.
....be realistic about my faults and try to change them.
....continue to be honest with others.
....cry when i need to.
....be angry less often.
....try to be more health conscience.
....save more and spend less.
....try to be more understanding.
....use less profanity.
....do more community service.
....never ever again contemplate suicide.

These are not resolutions....they are life style changes. I feel it is important the as individuals we continue to better ourselves as "WE" see fit. Improvement is necessary for everyone to grow and reach self gratification.

Happy New Year All!!!

IS LOVE ENOUGH??

LIFE IS FILLED WITH SO MANY UPS AND DOWNS. AT SOME POINT MY LIFE SEEMED LIKE ALL IT HAD WAS DOWNS. BUT I HAD FAITH THAT ONEDAY THOSE DOWNS WOULD TURN TO UPS. AND THEY HAVE FOR THE MOST PART: THINGS AT WORK HAVE GOTTEN BETTER, I WAS ABLE TO REMOVE THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE FROM MY LIFE AND I FINALLY FOUND LOVE.

I MET A NICE GUY WHO WASNT WHAT I TYPICALLY WANTED IN A MATE. BUT ONCE I GOT TO KNOW HIM I REALIZED THAT HE WAS A KIND AND SWEET MAN AND I FEEL IN LOVE WITH HIM. BUT JUST AS WITH EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP, ITS NOT EASY. WE HAVE OUR ROUGH TIMES AND WE TRY TO WORK TOGETHER THROUGH THOSE TIMES. BUT LATELY I HAVE BEEN FEELING ALONE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. I AM TRYING TO BE PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING BUT IT GETS VERY FRUSTRATING. I WANT THIS TO WORK OUT I WANT TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER AND EVER BUT I NEED HIM TO MEET ME HALF WAY.

PEOPLE SAY THAT LOVE ISN'T ENOUGH TO SUSTAIN A RELATIONSHIP. THEY SAY IT TAKES COMMUNICATION, COOPERATION AND COMPROMISE. I THINK I AGREE.... *sigh*

SIX DOWN

Damn it’s been over five month and the pain still cuts deep like a knife. They say it takes at least half of the time you were together to get over a person. So I guess it will take me about 3 1/2 years to get over this. So I guess that's 6 month down and 36 more to go. For the most part, I'm fine. It’s just isolated periods when I reminisce on the time we shared. And I always wonder, does he ever think about me? Does he cherish the same memories that I do? Does he even think about me at all? Probably not.

I know most of you are thinking: "What the fuck is wrong with Cotton?" She is the strongest female I know. But the inside scoop is that I was raised not to love. I was raised that men would break your heart every time and this was taught to me by the males in my family. So, for a long time I didn't love. I never let guys get close to me because I thought they were all just plotting to break my heart.

But, this one guy, I just didn't have a choice. For me, it was love at first site. And that love turned disastrous. And my uncles were right. He broke my heart. I'm dealing with the situation to the best of my ability but this shit just hurts.

I have faith the one day the tears will stop. One day the pain will go away. One day I will no longer love him. But right now I still do. I guess it hurts so much because he's my first and only love. He is the only person that I have given my heart to. And what scares me the most is that he may be the last.

I trusted him so much and I felt like I was betrayed. Now, I trust no one. My heart is very fragile so I just cut everyone out.

Give Up

Sometimes I want to give up on everything. On school...on work...on coaching...on being a good person...on life!!! It took everything in me not to take off my seat belt and drive right into a telephone pole or a brick building. Things get so hard at times and I wonder why I even try. Lately it seems that every little thing is making me angry. Last week my anger went to a level that I haven't seen in years and I ended up hurting someone physically. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life.

The tears won't stop flowing. My mind continues to race a mile a minute. I feel so unstable..I feel like i can explode at anytime. I'm going to try to hold it together...for who? I don't know. But while I try and figure this shit out, for now, I am going to just sip on this wine and thank God for my health...my strength...my career...and everything that has brought me thus far.

Pray For Me.

Fabolout ft. Jay-Z - When the Money Goes

I love this song...

Untitled

When it is all said and done all I have is me...
When day turns to night all I have is me...
When times get rough all I have is me...
When money gets short all i have me...
No matter how much family all i have is me...
No matter who says i'm their friend all i have is me...
No matter who says that they love me all i have is me...
I came in this world with just me...
I will leave this world with just me...
And even when there are many people around i feel like it's just me...
But sometimes just me isn't enough...
Sometimes just me hurts like hell...
Sometimes just me makes me cry...